Jun
18

Fits and Starts

By

Well, hello there, old friend. Yes, I know—it’s been a while. Stay for a bit, will you? Would love to catch up.

As I type this, I am listening to the soft pitter-patter of rain outside at my parents’ home which is now my home too. I look outside the house past the wrap-around porch and all I see is green. So many trees. Even though I grew up in New Jersey, every time I would come back East from California for a visit, I would invariable find myself saying, “Oh how beautiful. I forget how green it is.”  (Yes, people, there honestly is a reason they call it the Garden State.)

My mother is at art class. My father is downstairs tinkering in the garage. My little girl is napping. It is quiet and peaceful. For just this moment, all is right with the world. I am enjoying the tranquility, and learning, ever learning, how to take one day at a time and enjoy the journey.

So, what to do with this glorious chunk of time? Shall I read my book about potty training? (Which is not going so well, btw, although I’m really not stressing over it.) Shall I take on the task of retooling my resume, or once again scour the job-hunting websites? Shall I mar the sound of the falling rain by putting some piles of laundry in the washer or dryer? No. I choose this time to get reacquainted with an old friend, the blank page and the simultaneous joy and frustration that writing brings me.  Ah, the dance we do; I have missed it so.

I suppose I’m not unlike  many writers who have difficulty maintaining a schedule or regaining momentum when it’s lost.  I usually find a good excuse about why I stopped or stalled with my writing—rethinking my blog and my audience, moving across country, living with my parents and looking for a job, no routine, no time.  Really? Yeesh, if people with six kids or bustling careers, or six kids and bustling careers can find time to write regularly, then so can I. Enough already.

So, old friend, I am back. Now, where were we?

Oh yes, we did it. We finally did it. The thing nobody thought would really happen. The thing I had been talking about for years– we moved back East. Back home.

Hubby and I are still on the job hunt.  We are living with my parents until we figure out where our future employment will take us. My parents have the room for us, so we chose to settle with them,  but their location, albeit beautiful, is not exactly central. We end up traveling back and forth to my in-laws quite often. We spend A LOT of time in the car.

Any sense of routine or structure we once had for our toddler has been shot to hell by our semi-nomadic lifestyle and the spoiling and doting that takes place when an adorable, blonde two-year-old has at least one grandparent around practically 24/7.  (My mother thinks there is a recommended daily allowance of ice cream.) And let’s not even get into the lack of, ahem, privacy that my husband and I have these days.

I won’t lie; I’ve had a few meltdowns.

I wince when when I see our bedroom floor strewn with half-packed suitcases and boxes of things that should be moved but there’s just no room for anywhere else. I cry when I remember how being around family can sometimes bring out the moodiness that I have worked so hard to get under control.  (Funny how time and distance can never quite take away the old familial roles we fall into as children– I will forever be the middle child.) I sometimes just crumble at the clutter that is our lives right now.

Still, despite the uncertainty of our lives right now, despite the temporary nature of things, despite the wanting– oh so desperately wanting to arrive, I am surrounded by family, and my heart sighs with contentment, and my soul seems to whisper, Yes. This is where I need to be now. I am home. Things will be okay.

So for now…my mother is at art class. My father is downstairs tinkering in the garage. My little girl is napping. It is quiet and peaceful. For just this moment, all is right with the world. I am enjoying the tranquility, and learning, ever learning, how to take one day at a time and—say it with me now—enjoy the journey.

Categories : journeys in life

Comments

  1. Lisa Kelly says:

    Good to have you back writing!

    [Reply]

  2. LeeWee says:

    Even though I am close to you now, your writing always brings me closer!!! Love you!

    [Reply]

    Kelly Reply:

    That’s one of the sweetest comments ever, LeeWee. Love you back!

    [Reply]

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