Nov
03

Are You There God? It’s Me, Kelly

By

Are you there God? It’s me, Kelly.

I have a problem. I am sick of myself. I mean, I really can’t stand myself these days. I am directionless and goalless and living in limbo, and well, you know all that. But if I have to listen to myself whine about these things one more time, I’m going to have to kick my own ass, and I don’t quite know how to do that. And if I can’t stand myself, I can’t even imagine what my friends and family are dealing with in the mess that is me right now.

I am a people pleaser and I hate not liking people, so when it’s myself I don’t like—someone I can’t get rid of—well, that’s a problem.

I’ve tried all the different methods of dealing with me.

I’ve been the cheerleader: Come on, Kelly, you can do this! Stay positive. Gooooooo Kelly!

I’ve been the sympathetic ear: Oh, Kelly, it’s going to be okay. It’s tough but give yourself some time. You’ll figure it out.

I’ve been the pragmatist.: Okay, Kelly. Let’s look at the steps you’ve taken to find your path and figure out some new steps you can take.

I’ve even been the Hard Ass: Oh, for Christ’s sake! (Sorry, God, I know it’s a commandment and all, but I’m just trying to be honest here.) Shut. Up. Just do something and shut up You’re not going to get anywhere by whining so just knock it off already. You don’t like your situation? Do something about it and get over it.

Thus far, nothing has worked. Because when my inner dialogue continues, I always resort to whining. I’m whiney. Even my therapist said so. My therapist!

I’m in need of an intervention, and hoping that it will be from you.

I’ve given up on asking to win the lottery (okay, not really) even though I do believe money would be great help for my situation right now.  But I am asking for a big favor. A BIG favor.  I need a break. I need an opportunity. I need a sign. And nothing subtle—I’m not good at reading those. No, I need something of the lightning bolt or hit-me-over-the-head variety.  I’m totally serious.

God, I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, and other people have much bigger problems than I do. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and right now, I’m pretty desperate. If you’re there God, please help a girl out.

I’ll be waiting. And probably whining.

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Comments

  1. LeeWee says:

    I love you and I don’t think you’re whiny.

    [Reply]

  2. Helene says:

    Know what I do when I’m in that state? NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. That’s my mantra, the one rule I try NEVER to break (well there’s more than one but this is a BIGGIE): ready? When you don’t know what to do, do NOTHING. Be still and quiet. Limited whining. Because if you are asking God for help/answers, and you’re constantly blah blah blahing in your head, how on earth will you be able to HEAR the answer. You’re drowning him out! Be more gentle, drink more tea. I know I sound like an Enya-loviing wuss but I SWEAR TO GOD (yup, He’s the one who always hears and answers) it works!!! WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO, DO NOTHING!!! And ask for help… just like you did here :) LOVE YOU BUNCHES!

    [Reply]

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