California Dreamin’


I am missing California today. For all the reasons I knew I’d miss it.

It is cold and windy and rainy here, and I fear my SAD is beginning to rear its ugly head. (Oh, it’s going to be long winter!)

The other day, I Skyped with a dear California friend whom I miss immensely, and it made me miss her more. Her dogs were jumping around in the background, and Muffin was mesmerized  by watching herself on my laptop as we Skyped (that’s a verb now, right?).   Of course, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Whenever she sees me looking at pictures in iPhoto, she usual settles next to me and says, “I wanna see Charlie pit-shers!”

I received our annual official Thanksgiving invitation to the home of other dear friends who were, for all intents and purposes, my West Coast family. Even though they know we won’t be there, they sent the invite anyway, and it warmed my heart in twelve different ways.

I miss “The Boulevard”– that would be Ventura Boulevard. The section that runs between Laurel Canyon and Coldwater Canyon was walking distance from our townhouse and I walked it soooo many days. It felt like my special corner of the world.

I miss being part of an infamous trio with two women I know will be among my truly lifelong friends.

I miss my long pedagogical chats with my teacher friends back when I had a job and felt like a professional– even if a sometimes unhappy one.

I miss my California “mommy friends” and our Wednesday get-togethers that ended way too soon. (I have friends here, but not “mom friends”)

And I miss my therapist.

(Missing my therapist then made me miss Kaiser Permanente, or at least the luxury of decent health insurance. Even though Kaiser is an  HMO, I liked how they ran things in their own exclusive Kaiser World. But health insurance? That’s another post for another day.)

Here, I have no therapist, and if you’ve been reading this blog, even for just a little bit, you know that I could probably use one about now.

I saw my therapist in California for a little over five years. And I loved her. Somehow I knew that if she weren’t my therapist, we’d be fast friends. But we’d look silly walking together because her legs alone are taller than I am. Anyway, she got me. Yes, therapists are supposed to that. They’re trained to do that. She just happened to be  really really good at it. She took me through a pretty rough patch and got me feeling comfortable in my own skin again. Something for which I will always be grateful.

She gave me her email when I left my last appointment with her (which happened to be the day I left for the East Coast), but I haven’t had the nerve to email. Not sure why. I suppose because I’m used to having an hour with her to sort through my drama du jour, and email just wouldn’t be the same.

I’d like to just say hi and let her know I miss her, but somehow that strikes me as goofy or childish.

But I sure wish I had a therapist to talk to now. (Or maybe just insurance that would cover that, but again, another post…)

I have my family and some pretty darn good friends here. I know they are here for me.

But our life out West and the people in it– Greg and I made that life on our own. And it and they are a part of our history, and a part of our hearts.

And today, they were missed.

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  1. Helene says:

    ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’ will always be “our” song!!! And I know you want to KNOW the “plan” for you and for Greg and for Charlie and for your future. But for some reason, God, the Universe, whatever and WHOever, does not feel you need to be privy to this right now. Why? That’s the big mystery. I miss just KNOWING you are 1.5 hours’ drive away. I can’t imagine how the people who saw you often feel. So here’s today’s words of wisdom from 3K miles away: For reasons unknown, this part of your life is what I affectionately call a F***ing Growth Opportunity, or when kids are in the room, an FGO. HORRID while you are in the middle of it but if you don’t sit in it, you’ll never get the “growth” part of the opportunity.

    I LOVE YOU!!!!


  2. Irene Landon says:

    I always knew you would eventually miss California. If I had lived there for 15 years I would have missed it too. But you know we love you and we all are so happy you are home…and I get to see and enjoy charlie on a daily basis. I always enjoyed going to California to visit you (sans the earthquake, thanks), and there is nothing that says you can’t go visit your California friends either. As for a therapist…go ahead and email her. Why not? And if you really think you need one here (besides me, of course), there are resources, health insurance or nay.


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