Aug
15

NOT Waving the White Flag

By

I have been offered a job.

Funny, I’ve been out of work for so long now, that when I imagined writing that last sentence, the sentence came with all sorts of happy emoticons and exclamation points. I mean, at the very least, it was written in all caps. But no. It’s just this: I’ve been offered a job.

It’s the same job I wrote about in¬†this post¬†feeling so torn about taking a full time job and putting Muffin in daycare full time. I’m still coming to terms with it.

Okay, now my sister is reading this and yelling at me through her computer screen about having a better attitude. I am supposed to look at this as a new adventure. And I’m going to try. I swear. Because this job could be a real fit for me. It really could. And it certainly has its share of advantages in the plus column.

I need to take it. We need the money. I need to work. And in my quest to get more clarity on exactly what it is I want, taking this job will help me to get to know a few things. It’s a brand new experience for me. And I will get to the place where I am excited about that. But for now, any excitement is overshadowed by good old fashioned mom guilt, and more than that, a feeling of defeat.

I suppose I thought when I’d be taking a new job, I thought it would mean I finally figured out what I wanted and it would be at least a step in that direction. This does not feel like that. This job, way down in my gut, does not feel like the path I am supposed to be on. It feels like a side trip that I must take. In keeping with a running theme of this here blog, it feels like, well, another detour. And I kind of wanted to be done with those for a while.

Silly me.

But I am not giving up.

Wait. I need to rephrase.

I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!!

I will find my dream job. I will figure this out.

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Comments

  1. LeeWee says:

    You need to follow your own advice….Enjoy the journey! xoxoxo

    [Reply]

  2. Helene says:

    Can we at least know what KIND of a job it is??!?!?!?!?!?!?

    [Reply]

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