Today was my last day of freedom, that is to say, my last day as a non-working mother with my child in pre-school for the day. Next week, Charlie’s school is closed, and the week after that, I will begin a new job.

You would think I would have been the poster child for productivity today. Or if not productivity, maybe decadent leisure. If I wasn’t going to work and accomplish anything important, I probably should have gotten a massage or a mani-pedi, but I didn’t.

After dropping off Charlie at school, which took twice as long as it usually did because of a road closure and detour, I made a quick trip to Home Goods. When I got home, I checked and wrote some email, and then I watched some television (which I rarely do during the day but I was looking for the scoop on Hurricane Irene), and worked a little bit on part of a gift for my friend’s birthday.

As usual, there were a ton of things I could have done to work toward some long-term goals, but instead, there was a lot of puttering about the house. Yep, puttering. Something I’ve done far too much of on the days Charlie was off at school. I don’t have a hell of a lot to show for my free time that was supposed to be spent working toward my dreams. I’ve done some work, yes. But not enough. Not nearly enough.

While I’ve gone through and processed a myriad of emotions over the prospect of this new job, today I started to feel thankful. As I have proven time and time again, I am sucky at the whole self-discipline thing. Oh so very sucky. I can’t put my finger on why I have such a problem with it, but I do. I work better with external structure and routine forced upon me.

So after Labor Day, I will have job I have to report to. And while it is most likely (though I’m not ruling it out) my dream job, it will at least give me that structure and routine that is sorely lacking in my life right now. For that, I am grateful.

I am also scared that the structure and routine will leave very little time for working toward other goals.

But still, I need it.

I am hoping God is just giving me a sign here that I need to stop puttering and focus.

You know, closing a door and opening a window and all that.

Let’s hope.

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  1. Lisa Kelly says:



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